Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
