When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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