yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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