The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
