i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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