I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
