Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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