I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize