Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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