All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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