she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
