Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
