Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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