Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
