I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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