thus making me awesome and them whores
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
