i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
