she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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