His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
