I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
