i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
