i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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