thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You are the jesus of drinking
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
