based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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