I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
