Christians are straight up FREAKS
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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