another moral hangover. fuck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
