My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
