i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
