We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
