Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
