Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
