Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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