i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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