porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
