At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
