dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
