Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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