Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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