I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
