At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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