i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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