haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
