I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
