i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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