did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
