I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
a search helicopter?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
