Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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