you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
