I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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