He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Farmville is her only friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
