We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
