Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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