shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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