In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
