I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
