I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize