he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
