Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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