Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
