1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
