I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
