How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize