I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
