its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
