i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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