i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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