It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
