hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
