Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is it penis luge time yet?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
